Watching this parade of nonentities blunder through one half-hearted peril after another, I found myself, heretic that I am, rooting for the xenomorph-T-Rex bastard, if only in hope of a mass extinction event that would put both humans and script out of their misery. The storyline stumbles about like a sedated raptor, random, twitchy, and never quite threatening. Not even the prospect of “heart disease miracle drugs” can raise the pulse.

Did anyone enjoy Jurassic World Rebirth? I would really like to hear what you liked about it.