or to keep the peace, maybe you think it’s not a big deal but your partner, friend, coworker, parent feels otherwise.
Do you apologize just to validate him?
I always though if I don’t feel bad about it, fuck it, I’m not apologizing, deal with it. It’s not my fault you’re so thin skinned. Grow up.
Now I’m thinking I should be more empathetic and apologize, just to make the aggravated person feel validated, even though I don’t feel bad (or that bad).
This gets more complicated because many times coworkers feel offended because I don’t share my personal life with them or I’m so concentrated on my job that I don’t notice them. Do I apologize for not noticing them?
This is a good question and not stupid. I generally don’t say sorry reflexively, no. But yes I seek to empathize and see how my actions affect others. If there is something to apologize for, I do, and always try to take ownership of my mistakes.
If it’s something where I feel fine about what I did and sincerely think the other party has wildly misinterpreted it, I may ask what they think, depending on if I have time and whether I know them, or just let it go if I don’t know them, because I’m sure I’ve done the same to people.
In general I think I err on the not apologizing side and on the defensive side, not on the over-apologizing and too self critical side, nor on the blamey and critical of others side.