Its actually a good thing actually good privatee messengers dont interoperate with Meta, they’re not exactly trustworthy.

Your phone already is the interoperator for all these things, what more is actually needed? Blue bubblles?

Nurse Patchit

“Bon mot”

If you put them in the trash there’s 0

I wonder if thats what makes movies more terrifying, like you have no control and you told that dumb motherfucker NOT to peek behind the curtain but they couldnt hear you cuz its just a screen. Horrific Irony

I was sort of getting at that. The tricky part is people will almost never treat you better than 1. You treat and present yourself and 2. How you assert you are to be treated by them (that order is descending in terms of importance). Few people will treat you better than you treat yourself in a way and it sort of makes sense given our evolution and development of social groups.

You can start small tho. Try to not say sorry for anything thats not an actual sorry-worthy accident or mistake for a day. Thats it.

Check your posture by watching a youtube video and near a mirror if you can. You wanna stand tall, shoulders back, head and eyes level i think, make sure you keep your hips/torso level too, a lot of people do that silly thing where they stand at a weird angle jutting out the abdomen so they look taller or skinnier or something but its not great for your body or how you come across. Make sure to bath or shower at least once a day, twice if you can get away with it right before bedtime so it helps you get to and better sleep

When you are clean, good posture, onlynsaying sorry when its genuinely reasonable and limiting it otherwise, working on feeling you deserve and command the space you need to accomodate your presence and contribution, it will be easier for everyone and yourself to have respect and uphold your dignity without you even needing to say a word

Its just expected and commanded in a non-threatening but palpable way

Is there any way you can get your son involved so you can also pass that down to him and give him that extra head start on valuing working out and taking care of himself like you’re modelling for him currently?

Do you think it might be simpler for them to look for the trailheads as an easier introduction to IFS?

Trailheads honestly seem to me to be the simplest path to getting into IFS and its such a practical, simple practice…

Thats what almost immediatey clicked for me, very commonsense but also not necessarily immediately intuitive if you were trying to work it out from scratch

Too late! Its locked in

I dont think this set of facts has ever aligned in the history of…forever

Thats sort of disingenuous and also inauthentic tho. Its really not helping anyone when you affirm non-existsnt grievances

What would happen if you just… didnt and just did your business? Why are the apologies needed?

Bad habit. How come they dont apologize equally to you?

It can be problematic when there’s no established actual violation and you simply go along with whoever is doing the demanding…

People who demand apologies are seldom the type who actually deserve apologies. Discernment is quite necessary here, if you apologize unduly, you are setting a pattern that helps establish the response they expect even when they act unreasonably or uncivilly.

People who actually care about you and actually need the whole “showing them you care about them” are almost never the ones doing the demanding

There’s a Catch-22 or tricky situation with that but you can avoid much of it by recognizing close people’s birthdays, anniversaries, or other inside dates of importance. I will say anybody who acts like you’re in trouble or deep shit if you dont recognize them for some random date, they are probably trouble you dont need. That date is a power they have harnessed you with

You need to decide if you forget their date or whatever thing: do you need to cede that right for them to make your life hell? Why do you owe them any of that?

Only if you’re advising on how to close all the bullshit loopholes you’ve exploited preventing them from being used further.

Happy to be a positive influence :) keep adding to your inventory list here, might be helpful to others as well as yourself

Im beyond glad to hear that about boundaries and having that breakthru for both of you in coming to understand that. Its a very rare thing honestly, its like the holy grail of mental health and overall wellness in my very humble findings. It wont necessarily make you well or whole but it will prevent others from taking you down any further and will ensure you have an upward trend focus going forward

Keep going whenever you like by replying above this level so you can make a list for yourself to peruse whenever you need a boost for yourself and others can jump in if they have something helpful to supplement that

Aside, lots of people end up with little or zero eventual relationship with their children because they dont realize how kids grow up and start having a choice and being able to curate their associations to the ones that allow them to feel safe and valued. Sounds like youre way ahead of the game on that one.

Edit: if your child grows up believing they can talk to you about any problem they’re having without fear of making it worse and actually possibky helping them work thru shit, and they see that you understand when they say they need you or you need them to change behavior and it works out well for everyone in the shared history, you guys will be just fine.

Stinky’s Inventory

Lets start now and you can come back to it however long that takes.

This can be you inventory, one thing at a time

Are you able to recognize what you’ve done right and well?

FORD?