• 0 Posts
  • 7 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
cake
Cake day: June 15th, 2023

help-circle

  • Elder Millennial here. I think I just have that “eww pedostache” reaction because, when I was young, such mustache styles were common among middle-aged men who hadn’t updated their styles since the '80s. Some of those men were creepy, so the mustache style became associated with creepy old men. And of course, teenaged giggling among ourselves about “eww pedostache!” really cemented the association.

    I’m pretty sure our parents had the same initial reaction when we brought aviator glasses back into fashion. We’ll get over it, the cycle continues.


  • I was also expected to be very quiet and perfectly behaved, and have also struggled with resentment toward rowdy children as a result. Even now, at 39 years old, I sometimes want to retaliate with an Aztec death whistle.

    Therapy can be really helpful in learning to deal with that resentment. If possible and reasonable, so can talking about it with your parent(s).

    Several years ago I said to my mother, “I’m feeling angry right now because I’m thinking about that loud kid we saw in the store today and remembering how I had to repress myself as a child.” Then we had a really productive conversation about the pressure to defy stereotypes about poor parents, being a parent with unrecognized and unsupported neurodivergence, and sensory issues.

    I hope you’re able to dissolve a significant amount of your resentment, too. In the meantime, there’s a kind of reusable earplug that reduces noise just a little bit so you can still have a conversation (can’t remember the brand name though).





  • Just say contextually appropriate listening-interjections that validate their feelings. Things like, “WTF?” “Rude!” “How awful,” “Oof that’s stressful,” a disapproving hmmm, etc.

    Imagine you’re a dustpan without a bottom: the dust of their venting gets swept in, but falls right back out without sticking to anything. Most importantly, don’t try to fix their feelings. That’s not your job. Your job is to meet them where they are, as they are. (And if, for whatever reason, you can’t, I’ve used the phrasing of, “I’m really sorry, but I can’t be a good audience for that. Do you need suggestions for finding other support?”)