Variety! Give this man (Man? Woman?)

GIVE THIS PERSON THE JOB! They’re clearly better at it.

I wouldn’t get a television. I would get a monitor. No UI. No smart features. Just a black square that had HDMI inputs.

If you really want to watch OTA TV, you can buy box tuners that connect to the HDMI. Usually with DVR capability.

It will cost more. Like…a LOT more. But thats just what regular TVs used to cost back in the 90s. You wanted a bigscreen tv? $800 then, which would be like $2,000 now. And “big screen” was like 55 inch. Though it was a 4:3 ratio. So 55 inch then wold be more like 70 inch now in a 16:9 ratio.

But…why are bagel seeds illegal to grow? And why aren’t bagel producers getting in legal trouble?

The little seeds on bagels?

So it’s illegal, but nothing comes of getting convicted. No actual consequences.

Got it.

Mr Rodgers obviously never covered topics of sexual spectrums. If he had, I feel like your answer is very in line with what he’d say.

Which, is a compliment. Anytime you can invoke the spirit of someone I hold as highly as Mr Rodgers, it’s a good thing.

No no no no. This a myth. People saying we’re killing the planet. We’re not killing the planet. We’ll never kill the planet. The planet will kill us. All humans will die, and earth will carry on. And some new species will take over. And millions of years from now, they’ll discover our modern day buildings. Deep burried underground.

They’ll mistake them for bones at first, but eventually they’ll figure out that these are primitive structures for housing. Housing that doesn’t fly. Doesn’t teleport. Doesn’t blast off into space. Just stationary buildings. And then they’ll laugh at how stupid humans were.

Do you have any idea how terrifying a ducks penis is??? And yet, ducks exist. Ducks fuck.

I don’t know what pandas penis looks like, but they need to get to fucking. They’re gonna go extinct soon!

Maybe having violent and horrifying penis’s is the way to go!

I asked my dog if he enjoys sex. He looked at me with a stern look and asked “Where are you going with this?”

You KNOW I will!

Now I’m just imagining Stanley Kubrick getting his start in porn.

“Cut!!! The lighting is wrong. Who is handling the lighting??? It’s all wrong! It doesn’t invite me into the scene! Look at this lighting! Would YOU become entranced into a sexual encounter??? We’re making art here people! We’re making cinema! We’re making magic! Remember, Anal Sluts 9 will be the pornographic masterpiece that will be heralded among future generations! That’s what’s at stake here. That’s why we’ve all gathered here today. So if I say the lighting is off, then I EXPECT SOMEONE TO FIX THE GOD DAMN LIGHTING!!! LETS GET IT RIGHT PEOPLE!!! Aaaaand go again. Take 537…ACTION!”

Alright. But once they’re pulled out of the rubble, where do you you think they went?

Especially in the smaller bf-nowhere operations

Yeah, NYC and Washington DC sure are out in the middle of dirt road middle of nowhere locations. Most people can’tveven find places so small on a map.

Well, Spiderman was created in the 1940s. And he was a teenager then. Lets call it in the middle and say he was born in 1925.

He’s 100 this year. Spider Teen just doesn’t fit.

Then again, Bart Simpson is always 10 years old. Which means, right now he was born in 2015. But he also walked on top of the original World Trade Center.

Let that shit fuck with your brain.

Oh fuck…I’m not knowledgeable to know. I’m not a doctor, so take everything I say with a whole salt shaker…

…but it kind of sounds like your ex might have been a monster.

Great point. I’m not doing alright, but am I living? (I don’t know how to do emojis)

Ya know…everybody always said that one day, Steve Irwin would die from how often he tickles alligators.

And look how wrong they were! He died from a stingray.

To be fair…we don’t know they aren’t

Pretty sure the second and third one are the same.

Look man. I don’t know what to tell you. I was the president of the USA from 2032-2040. I’m also a time traveler here to warn you about this crazy pandemic that happens in 2020. Look, it won’t make sense until it happens. Everybody is going to wear masks, there’s murder hornets that turn out to be no big deal, there’s a shortage of toilet paper. It’s a whole thing that shuts down the whole planet. Point is, people thought after 3 years it was over. Turns out, it makes people go batshit insane. They elect a guy who before campaign season even starts is already convicted 34 times, but never sent to prison. He turns out to be a legit fascist and a throwback to nazism in the 1930s. And people just accept this because their brains are rotted.

Point is, I’m here from the future. Sooooooo, can I have like $500,000?

What?

Oh, shit. Thats right. The second great depression hasn’t happened yet.

Can I have $5.00?