cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/28878325
In the last 4 weeks I’ve worked with several people over 60 and I don’t like what I saw: slow giving report or describing a problem, fixation on trivialities about a client’s appearance or something funny he did instead of getting directly to the point and doing our jobs, incapable of coping with new forms of communication, feeling they are your supervisor, even though they’re not, criticizing you for ‘wasting’ paper or erasers, telling you how they dislike other coworkers, even though I just met this person 2 hours ago, acting as if only their way of doing things is the right one, then they pretend to be your friend and ask questions about your personal life which I deflect as good as I can.
I don’t like working with people like this, it’s very draining and I don’t want to become this kind of person.
How do I make sure not to become this kind of person?
I knew a guy in his 30s that has similar attitudes: thinks that his ways and opinions are the only valid ones, thinks he is smarter than most people, has instant assumptions about people based on appearance, and does not take criticism well.
From talking to him, I would say that to avoid becoming someone like him:
- Do not define yourself in terms of work or money. Yes, most people need a job to pay bills to live. But find a hobby, passion, or charity that you like. Trying to make / hustle / gamble money for the sake of a larger number in your account (with no other goal) is honestly sad.
- No one is out to get you. Stop seeking enemies or blaming problems on others.
- Do not make IRL opinions from online “content” (I don’t even wanna know which subreddits and YouTube people this guy follows) Interact with real people.
- If your friends are repeatedly calling you out on questionable or insensitive actions and opinions, listen and think for a minute.
Maintain your curiosity. Don’t be deterred by unpopularity.
I think it’s that some older people tend to be overconfident and think they’ve figured out everything in life (not that this behaviour is exclusive to old people but the older you’re the more likely you’re to think that you know shit). Another factor might be that over time you’re more likely to confirm to your surrounding, being too tired and old to “rebel”.
Just stay curious, open minded and always willing to learn and do new things.
I’ve noticed that most of the professors I liked in college were the ones to admit when they’re wrong, understand that not everyone learn the same and willing to accept nonconventional answers in exams, not use the same material from a decade ago, etc. it might be trivial facts but it shows that on the larger scale this person is still evolving and adapting to their surrounding not being stuck in some old mentality.
I also believe that while age has a role in this it’s not actually about age but rather the mentality the person has and whether they can see the big picture or not. I think the fact that OP has noticed it and didn’t want to become like this is an indication that their mentality is moving in the right direction.
PS: English isn’t my first language and I’m kinda tired while writing this so please forgive me.
Stay curious about the world around you and improving your arsenal of skills. Skills and knowledge are the one thing nobody can take away from you, and that you only get through hard work and dedication to a craft or multiple crafts.
Get into and out of new things all the time, or focus on one new thing until you run it into the ground. Do whatever your excitement leads you.
Learning about new technologies, playing with them and practicing with them are the core of what keeps us sharp and young. You’re only old once you start believing you have everything figured out.
Do shit. Do shit you don’t know how to do and figure it out.
And don’t give up if you make a mistake. Learning from a mistake is a great way to become better.
This is important. Learning involves change based on a balance of positive and negative feedback. Be comfortable making mistakes and learning not to repeat them in other contexts. Also learn how to use mistakes to improve on methods that didn’t seem like mistakes at the time.
Learn languages. Don’t do it to impress people, but to really learn. Hey native language tutors. Go out and embarrass yourself trying to speak with real people.
This plus maths and music is probably the best exercise for your brain.
Then follow the advice others have posted to keep reading.
I’ve seen the same thing in some people over 60. The ones that don’t do this are the ones that continue to embrace new ideas, read, travel to experience other cultures, and learn/speak additional languages.
I don’t know if there is a magic formula to avoid the fate you’re describing. I’m doing what I’m seeing those that don’t fall into that trap do.
Yeah. Growth mindset, open to change, and not fixating on “our generation was the best” mentality
Learning a new language, and with it, a new way to see the world, is a true life hack.
Read books.
Reading is the best simple advice.
Reading will keep the mind agile because it
- builds empathy, you will be less likely to disregard other ways of doing things
- gives perspective
- is an active way to learn which makes learning other things feel less arduous. In other words you are giving yourself one less reason to become jaded
The reasons go on and can be explained better. I recommend finding out about it and making reading a habit because the benefits, while not immediately obvious, are incredible and everyone should do it.
And with it, less reading on Lemmy, more reading real books :)
You’ve already done it. You noticed the behavior in others. Just keep an eye on yourself and find better ways to respond to changing situations.
I think working on your emotional intelligence will help. You won’t have such a hard time accepting new facts into your life when you don’t feel like your life depends on it. Idk if I get my point across
Don’t act your age. Get to a point where you’re so dismissive of your age you have to think hard about what your age actually is.
If I stopped and started doing things based on what I’m meant to do at an age, I’d be a miserable piece of shit. I just do and think what I want. When I’m 60, I’ll still be learning and doing what I want because I rejected the idea that I’m too old or too young for something.
Rather than setting sights on what you want to achieve, set sights on what you never want to become. The rest just flows around that and happiness is always there because you’ve identified what unhappiness is and stayed clear of it.
Many people lose the mental capabilities they used to have when they were young, so they become unable to act the same way as they used to. They often lose the ability to learn new things. We’re talking 60+, so there are hormonal changes that can influence both the physical and psychological side of a person. Just stay young in your head is an advise similar to saying “cheer up” to a depressed person. The mental decline is probably partly genetic, partly pure luck or lack thereof, and a minor part can be influenced by lifestyle. So I guess try to influence what you can, excercise, eat healthy food, read, meet younger people and hope for the best.
I fully expect you to go snowboarding naked when you’re 60.
Except, don’t do that. That’s dangerous for your health at any age. You need insulating clothing to keep warm!
Oh, I will. I’m getting along in years and am about to pick up split boarding for backcountry. I could learn to just ski, but I’ve lived life surfing and skating, so I picked up snowboarding real fast and been doing that a while now.
Kinda always been into the idea of towing with a snow mobile too, so maybe I can afford that around then haha
i think that it’s important for us to know what approximate age you are. it’ll help us gauge perspective.
edit - it would also help to know if this is your first job. any more context would help a lot if you want the best advice.
edit 2 - what industry are you going into?
edit 3 - if you don’t answer me, the answer is CONFIDENCE (for now). it doesn’t matter who you choose to be, but people will always pick holes in it if you aren’t absolutely sure. but what else does that mean? will you be open to change, or do you think you’ll always be perfect?
How do I make sure not to become this kind of person?
Just focus on that and you’re good.
There are two ways to do “bad things” 1. you’re not aware of them being bad (because you never question yourself), 2. you are aware, but you excuse them somehow.
You have already cleared 1., all you need to do now, is to remain strict with yourself to never do excuse your own bad behavior.
And to be clear, I don’t mean to constantly blame yourself, I mean “finding excuses to do the bad thing anyway, because this time is an exception”. And it’s also fine to give up on this later if you find you can’t keep it up. It would be disappointing, but any effort in this direction is good, don’t let it dominate you.
Also, practice harmless small talk. If your colleague is talking drama, try to shift the discussion and bring up their pet or hobby or something.
then they pretend to be your friend and ask questions about your personal life which I deflect as good as I can.
I’m sure you can find some old boring topic that you find moderately interesting but can talk for hours on? Just use that. Comic book art, a particular species of flower you keep in a pot, 14th century mongolian music, idk.
One thing is to identify the bad behaviour in others, to see you’re doing it yourself is much harder though. People often don’t realize they’re doing something they hate in others.
That’s really easy. Never let go of the joy of learning, and take pride in admitting your mistakes.
It’s that simple. When you’re told there’s another way, your first reaction should be curiosity
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